What Happened To Me At Horty McFlee
Walking around a popular music / film store the other day (the one which rhymes with “Horty McFlee” when you say it fast enough), I found myself kneeling on the floor mourning all the DVDs which had been dumped there. So sad. Most of them had sorry-looking labels (badly written at that) which said “3 pounds”; essentially they seemed to be saying “please buy me! I am down and out and in need of a good playing!”
It wasn’t until I overheard two shop assistant girls talking that I realized that us customers were actually part of a devious and well engineered plan. I could barely believe what I was hearing. Basically, what they were saying was this: “have you seen how many people buy the DVDs we put on the floor?”
And the other would say something like (it was hard to tell, they were too far away to properly eavesdrop on and half the conversation seemed to be about laser treatment for acne ) “yeah I know! What a load of loosers! It’s almost like they feel sorry for them! They love DVDs that much that they treat them like human beings! The worse the hand-writing is, the more they want to buy them!”
And they were right. Jennifer Anniston. Matt Damon. Robert DeNiro for crying out loud! None of these poor actors deserved to be kicked about on the floor! Their packets damaged and their cellophane perversly torn, of course we all wanted to buy them! No film fan worth his or her salt could standby and watch them suffer like that!